As a journalist, have you ever been embedded? If not, where would you like your employers to embed you?

A month ago, the editor of Time, Jim Kelly, asked if I wanted to be embedded and I asked him if HE were coming on to me. Then I found out what it was. For a second I thought it would be cool to stay at a hotel and try a P.J. O’Rourke thing, then I remembered it was dangerous. I can’t believe people I work with are willing to do that. My dad told me all about Army food and there’s no way I’m volunteering for that.

What do you do to combat writer’ s block?

Getting paid to write on deadline is a surefire cure for writer’s block. Writer’s block is for people far more creative and better paid.

What is your favorite typeface to see your work displayed?

Time uses Caledonia, but I’m a boring Palatino guy.

Have you received lots of hate mail from Entertainment Weekly readers who miss that lame “Encore” page your column replaced?

They shield me from it, but apparently it’s really bad. People, it turns out, really loved that remember-when, Life magazine crap. I can’t imagine what’s going to happen to the guy who replaces Andy Rooney.

Readers very rarely get to see what the EW writers looks like, so tell us, Who’ s hot? Who’ s not?

I don’t get to see them either. I work at Time, and just email EW my stuff. I think they’re better looking than the Time people, or at least younger. So far, I’m sweet on this writer at EW named Scott Brown. He’s short, but in that Michael J. Fox way.

You came to prominence with your incisive interviews in TIME’s Arts Q&A section. Which interviewee was most offended by your questions?

Probably the people who hung up on me: Sharon Stone, Buddy Hackett, Sandra Bernhard and Jamie Lee Curtis. The Jamie Lee Curtis one was my fault. Hackett is just a madman.

Who was your favorite person to interview? Why?

Jon Stewart had me laughing like a little kid and Jonathan Winters was incredibly quick-witted. But I was never a Don Rickles fan until he finished all my questions with perfect answers in eight minutes — a record and far under the 20 minute average. Basically, I rank my favorites by how much of my work time they took up.

Which celebrity would be your perfect mate? Why?

According to an old E! online quiz, Drew Barrymore. I’m not attracted to her, but who am I to argue with E!. From meeting people, I would guess Angelina Jolie, but who am I to argue with E! online?

You work for a behemoth entertainment corporation (AOL Time Warner) that has lots of major interests to protect. Is there anything you’ re not allowed to write about? If so, feel free to vent right here (we won’ t tell your boss).

All the time. They take out jokes because they’re too inside, but they’re just scared. I want to write a column where I sell one of my options, which would actually cost me about $70 per share. But I would do it to help my ailing company. Maybe one day they’ll let me. I also want to disrupt a shareholders meeting. But it’s hard to kick a guy when he’s down, even if he’s a big, mean guy.

You have documented your failed attempts at writing for television in your columns. Is that something you would still like to pursue?

Sure. It looks like there’s a lot more money there than in print. People seem to like the moving pictures.

Do you have a movie in you?

Probably not. Movies are all about the visuals. That’s why romantic comedies are so bad and porn is so good.

Since you are a sports writer as well as an entertainment maven, can you tell us who is, hands down, the all-time best athlete turned actor? How about athlete turned singer?

I like Bob Uecker. And that East Side-West Side song from Shaq is awesome.

Where in New Jersey were you raised?

Edison.

Did you go to camp or the shore in the summer? Please share fondest memory.

Both. Someone once beat me up for no reason in Long Beach Island, other than the fact that I may have been walking with a girl he liked, who of course I had nothing going with. He gave me a black eye while my friend Mike just stood there and watched. I’ll never feel manlier than when I had a black eye.

Besides Joe Piscopo, Richie Sambora and all the young drunks in Hoboken, what else does New Jersey have to be ashamed of?

What’s wrong with Richie Sambora?

Too much plastic surgery. What should New Jersey be proud of?

We have the best diners and the best attitude. Other than Texas and New Jersey, and maybe Alaska, what states have a personality?

If you want to impress a lady by quoting a famous writer or poet, whom do you quote?

I go with Telly from the movie Kids.

Can you remember any songs from the first mix tape you made for a girl?

That’s an upcoming column. I mixed Muskrat Love with Cherry Pie. Not a good call.

What is your worst vice?

I love ladies. Call it a vice if you want, but I just love them.

What is the worst holiday?

Christmas. For us Jews.

What is your advice to the legions of unemployed English majors roaming the land?

Get a job, loser.

Favorite websites?

Usedwigs.com. Definitely usedwigs. I like andyborowitz.com, just to see how hard a guy can work who made millions as the creator of “Fresh Prince.”

What is a normal day for Joel Stein?

Complaining about editors and playing XBox with people at Time. Then a boring meeting. And on Thursdays I write.

Do you subscribe to the ancient belief that putting the words “www.usedwigs.com” in one of your insanely brilliant columns will bring you eternal happiness?

No.

Didn’t think so.

Get More Joel: www.thejoelstein.com