Interview: Julie Klausner

You are a writer, actor, singer and comedian. Which one do you want to take all the way? Or do you want to keep them all rolled up in one?

I want to take everything all the way, or at least to sloppy third.

I briefly knew an amateur drag queen here in D.C. who has “Carol, stop Broadwaying around this instant!” (from your video “Mommy Time”) in his profile on Friendster. I mention this as a segue to asking: How does one know when he or she is famous enough?

That’s awesome! I love the idea of an amateur drag queen. The one with the mop on his head wearing a shower curtain? Sign me up. As for your question, I’ll just say that Carol Channing will NEVER be famous enough as far as I’m concerned. That ventriloquist dummy in the video, by the way, is a Channing-designed and -approved item for sale at JCPenney. She’s apparently a big doll collector. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

Are you just being modest? I’m asking YOU when you’ll know that YOU are famous enough.

When I collapse in Sweden, and a young woman in her late 20s with a lot of gay friends gets five e-mails about it before noon.

Does the Internet allow everyone to be famous?

If famous means “Google-able.”

Tell me about your turns on two of my favorite shows: “Strangers with Candy” (TV) and “The Best Show on WFMU with Tom Scharpling” (radio).

I worked on SWC as a casting assistant, when I was still in college back in 19… (mutter mutter). Rarely do you get to be a part of something that you’re totally obsessed with, and I was lucky enough to have a direct line of observation into the working lives of Amy [Sedaris], Stephen [Colbert] and Paul [Dinello], three of my heroes. So, I basically opened mail and answered phones and helped with location scouting, and the usual production stuff, but eventually I got to be a featured extra in one of the episodes, which was “Behind Blank Eyes” from Season 2, in which Jerri befriends a blind student. I played a cheerleader. If you look at the center back row after the cheer in the third act of the show, the butt that’s grinding around is mine. I didn’t know I was the only one doing it.

As for TBSOWFMU, I am fortunate to call Tom Scharpling a friend, and I did an in-studio bit a couple of years ago, which was a great deal of fun. Improvising with somebody as brilliant as Tom is like sparring with a pro. I’d use a “jamming with a particular musician” reference here if I cared to, but I do not care to.

Speaking of Northern New Jersey (WFMU): How long can you breathe when you’re outside of New York City? Or do I have you all wrong on that?

No, you’re pretty astute. I’m a New Yorker down to my black little heart. I like visiting warm places when it’s cold here, and I don’t mind L.A. in short bursts, or if it has work for me, because I love working, but I’m what Grammy Hall would call a real born-and-bred New York Jew. I get patriotic when I go up to the Catskills and look out over the Hudson River. I’d pledge allegiance to the state flag if it were a viable option. Don’t forget: not even Paris has Broadway.

What’s your favorite entertainment product du jour?

TV Show: “30 Rock,” “Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style,” “Intervention”. Stage Show: The Rockefeller Center Xmas Spectacular. Website: ICanHasCheezburger.com. Movie: The Savages.

Ohmygod, “Intervention” is one of my favorites, too. I’m so envious of all those people, the way they have people that love them and stuff. Did you see the lady that drank 15 of those mini-vodka bottles every day? I loved her.

That rings a bell, yes. There are a ton of meth ones now. I think the producers of that show have to limit their meth-related shows to six or seven a season, and they’ve started doubling up on subjects for the sake of getting them all in. I liked the one about the anorexic girl who jogged in the shower. You realize her eating disorder has nothing at all to do with food after she reveals, halfway through the episode, that she was gang-raped in college.

Sounds like some emotional non-eating with a vengeance. Back to your list: Also count me in on ICanHasCheezburger.com. I got turned on to it through the FourFour, which is itself an hilarious website. But I admit I don’t completely understand the LOLcats phenomenon, or that language, what’s it called? Kitteh?

It’s how cats would talk if they could type. ‘Cause they still wouldn’t be able to spell.

I often get mistaken for Jewish. (Like at the open-air market when the pie lady took it upon herself to inform me, “All these crusts are kosher, by the way” — leaving me momentarily speechless.) Do you often get mistaken for being a gentile?

I hope you didn’t buy that pie, because nothing’s tastier than a piecrust moistened by lard. Sometimes, dummies who don’t know that redheads can be Jewish (heard of Woody Allen?) mistake me for Irish, but wise up when they take me to a pub and all I get is salt-and-vinegar crisps and a Diet Coke. Or when I open my mouth.

Talk about how it feels to be a Cancer. You can talk to me, I’m a Scorpio, but I won’t hurt you because we’re both water.

I am told that Cancerians are the Queens of the Zodiac, which you can tell your friend in D.C. …

Former friend!

… so he thinks we have more in common. I can also tell you that, based on conversations I’ve had with well-meaning hippies, I have my chart to blame for being emotionally volatile, alternately nurturing and guarded, and fond of staying home. It is worth noting that in the preceding sentence, the word “vagina” could serve as a synonym for “chart.”

What are you working on now?

I just wrapped a shoot last week for a Superdeluxe.com series I wrote with my friend Michael Kupperman. It’s called “What’s What,” and hopefully it will be done by January. Jackie Clarke and I continue to host OBSESSED each month at UCB [Theatre in NYC], and I’m doing more writing, though I’m reluctant to say on what, for fear it will psyche me out of the hard work needed to complete the task. Also, because the writers’ strike is shaping up to be of wrist-slicingly indeterminate length, I am looking for work in odd places. I am thinking of assisting a pastry chef, so please alert me if you hear of an opportunity that rings true with that intention.

You could take over Amy Sedaris’s cupcake business.

I think Amy’s doing just fine for herself.