2005 was a lovely year for me; I welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world, I got a kick-ass G5 Mac and most of my clients paid me on time. Besides that wonderful news, Bush and his gang of goons made it extremely
difficult to enjoy life outside the safe confines of the house. I'm sure you're equally disheartened, so, let's take a brief respite from the nastiness and enjoy some serious nonsense. Here's a fond look back at 2005 from me and a few friends. Have a swell
2006!
Officially Outdated…
1. Your new iPod
2. Your clever T-Shirt
3. PBR cans
4. Texas Hold'em Parties
5. Straight cowboys
Insanely Addictive…
1. "Thinking
About You" – Ivy
2. "Your
Move" – Blackalicious
3. "Destroy
Everything You Touch" – Ladytron
4. "Look
At Me, I'm A Winner" - The Aquabats
5. "Chicago"
– Sufjan Stevens
New Words I Discovered and Hope to Never Use…
1. Ladult - Fun-loving guy in his 20s or 30s who enjoys juvenile pursuits.
2. Infosnacking - Using the computer during work for non-work purposes.
3. Chavs - Garish, uncultured young Brits (think cockney Gotti kids).
4. Larper - (Live Action Role Player) Shut-in nerd who likes to kill and pillage in the comfort of his parent's basement.
5. Smirting - Smokers flirting outside a non-smoking office or bar.
Eliminate The Following from Your Vocabulary and People Might Start Liking You Again…
1. Holla
2. Git-R-Done
3. Pimpin'
Worst… Bushism… Ever…
"Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job!"
"When I'm Not Busy Chasing Hurricanes, I'm Actually a Very Good Reporter..."
"Senator, I’m sorry… for the last four days, I have been seeing dead bodies here in the streets of Mississippi and to listen to politicians thanking each other and complimenting each other — I have to tell you, there are people here who are very upset and angry,
and when they hear politicians thanking one another, it just, you know, it cuts them the wrong way right…"
- Anderson Cooper ripping Sen. Mary Landrieu
Somewhere in a Half-empty Playhouse in Chicago, Ross is Quietly Laughing at…
1. Joey's awful TV show
2. Phoebe's awful TV show
3. Rachel's awful movies
Sportsman of The Year...
Dave Wiegand
Short Films, Large Laughs…
1. Jim Gaffigan and Conan O'Brien are... Pale Force!
2. Pug Luggage
3. Awesometown
4. The Shining Trailer Re-mix
5. Is This The Way To Armadillo?
Most Informative Blog to Get The Facts...
Coffee Talk
Just Having a Little Fun on the Internet…
1. Wikipedia
Biography Controversy
2. Click Fraud
3. Denial of
Service Attack
4. Phishing
5. Splogs
As Entertaining as Ever…
1. www.pancakemountain.com
2. www.homestarrunner.com
3. www.thesmokinggun.com
4. www.metafilter.com
5. www.boingboing.net
Reason 1,311 to Despise Soulless Corporations…
Nike's Major Threat
The Internet's Biggest Eyesore…
Your MySpace site
Good Lord, Was That Annoying…
1. Awareness bracelets
2. Lance Armstrong, his wife and his stupid bike
3. Knitting
4. Jamie Foxx the singer
5. Never-ending back stories on "Lost"
"Bleck! I Smell Puke and Altoids!"
1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Hillary Duff
3. Lionel's inexplicably famous daughter
Hey Bill, Shut Your Freakin' Piehole…
1. Bill O'Reilly
2. Billy Bush
3. Billy from "Family Circus"
You Had your Moment, Congrats! Now Go Away…
1. Eva Longoria
2. Carlos Mencia
3. Dane Cook
Enough with Wearing the Latex "Fat Suits." You Are Not Making a Point and We Hate You Just the Way You Are…
1. Tyra Banks
2. Vanessa Minnillo
3. Mariah Carey
Celebrity Definitely Not Reading This List…
Fantasia Barrino
"Is My Dumb Hat Way Too Big or Is My Pea-Head Way Too Small?"…
Brad Paisley
David Gest Version 2.0...
Al Reynolds
Top Baby Animals of 2005
by Natalia Rossovich
What do local TV news crews love even more than police chases and undercover stings against local businesses operated by immigrants? Baby animals! The best way to soften the mayhem and murder of the first 29 ½ minutes is with footage of a cute and cuddly baby animal.
Here are the top 5 non-human baby stories of the 2005. Don’t be afraid to click — happy endings only included.
1. Tai Shan and Su Lin
Endangered pandas have the world’s lowest libidos, but somehow two American zoos welcomed black-and-white bundles of joy in 2005. The San Diego Zoo held a contest to aptly name their cuddly baby Su Lin, which means “A Little Bit of Something Very Cute.” The National
Zoo’s Tai Shan, whose means “peaceful mountain."
2. Asali the Lion
Poor baby Asali looked like a goner when he was rejected by his mother and lost weight on bottle feedings. Then a lioness named Natal, whose twin cubs had been stillborn, adopted him as her own, saving his life.
3. Maggie the Calf
A black angus calf named Maggie was spared from the slaughterhouse by being adopted by a rancher’s dog. The spayed Boxer mix named Vegas became the calf’s protector after she was abandoned by her mother. The rancher vowed to keep Maggie as a pet — let’s
hope what was adopted by Vegas, stays with Vegas.
4. Owen the Hippo
Owen the Hippo was born in 2004 but stayed in the news through 2005. The rotund hippo was orphaned in the South Asian tsunami after being washed to sea and stranded on a reef. He found a new home at a wildlife refuge, where he became attached to Mzee, a 130-year-old giant tortoise,
who he confused with his mother. The two are still inseparable.
5. Snuppy the Dog
When a South Korean cloning doctor’s work evaporated in scandal, one of his results was left standing (and sitting and fetching): Snuppy, an Afghan Hound who was cloned from his father’s ear cells and gestated in a Labrador mother. The only question: Why didn’t
the scientists choose a cuter breed, like a Pembroke Welsh Corgi or a North American Flop-Eared Terrier?
Phavorite Philadelphians…
1. Fergie
2. Michael Nutter
3. Duncan Black
Phavorite New Philadelphian…
Peter Forsberg
Best Beers and Fries in Philly...
North Third
Best Vegetarian Food at a Non-Vegetarian Restaurant...
Azure
Best Place to See a Great Band and Sweat Your Ass Off...
The First Unitarian Church
The "What, Was Stephan Jenkins Busy?" Worst Surprise Award...
"Surprise Guest" Rob Thomas at Philly's Live 8 Concert
Best Idea Wafting Through Philly...
Smokeless Bars & Restaurants
"How Can We Attract More Low-Rent, Scary People to Our City?"...
Casinos in Philly
Sorely Missed...
Pressler's Miscellany
Favorite TV Commercial…
None (thanks TiVo!)
Best Brief Appearance by Mike Piazza in an Infomercial?
Just a Trim
Best Reality Show to Watch While Downing a 6-Pack and Doritos...
"The Biggest Loser"
Reality Show That Overstayed Its Welcome By a Couple Years...
"The Apprentice"
TV Families I Found Extremely Easy to Loathe...
1. Gottis
2. Hogans
3. Houston/Browns
Worst Scripted Show
"Laguna Beach"
Best Scripted Show
"Curb Your Enthusiasm"
(no you fool, it's not ad-libbed)
Most Entertaining Characters…
Entire cast of "Entourage"
Funniest TV Shows
1. "The Office"
2. "Conan"
3. "Cheap Seats"
4. "Arrested Development"
5. "Everybody Hates Chris"
Oops, forgot "Reno 911"
Funny, But The Gimmick is Getting Old Already…
"My Name is Earl"
Not Funny At All…
"Mind of Mencia"
Never Ever Ever Ever Funny…
Leno's Monologue
Stellar Stand Ups…
1. Todd Barry
2. Bill Burr
3. Demetri Martin
Most Overused Topic by Unfunny People Trying to Be Funny…
Midgets
Number of Christian Channels Between 1 and 20 on My Cable System...
3 (could be 4 now, I didn't check today)
"Just In" on Comcast's On Demand…
All the crappy movies you avoided in the theater
Hey MTV, You’re Not the Only Fake-Music Station to Serve Up Unwatchable Shite…
VH1's "But Can They Sing?"
Most Insufferable Celeb…
Dr. Phil
Most Insufferable Pseudo-Celeb…
Scoop Brady's nightmare girlfriend on "My Fair Brady"
Wishing Horrible Things to Everyone Who's Ever Appeared On…
"My Super Sweet 16"
Maybe, Just Maybe, The Worst Written Show Ever That Wasn't Shown on a Saturday Morning…
Fox's "Reunion"
"Hey Seth, Abandon Ship! The Whole Thing is Going Down Fast!"...
"The O.C."
Best Sci-Fi Geekfest...
"Battlestar Galactica"
Yes, His Commercials Suck, But His Show is Hilarious…
"The Showbiz Show with David Spade"
Best TV Host on a Bad Network…
Joel McHale – "The Soup"
Besides Rachael Ray, Least Tolerable Host on The Food Network...
The ingratiating, hyper twit on "The Secret Life of...
"Mrs. Cobain, Meet Your New Roommate Here at the Treatment Center..."
1. Pat O'Brien
2. Kate Moss
3. Michelle Rodriguez
4. Colin Farrell
5. Tara Reed
Most Welcome Demise…
Tom DeLay
Saddest Demise…
Radar Magazine
Songs That Warmed the Soul…
1. "Always Love" – Nada Surf
2. "Lunch for Breakfast" - Cassettes Won't Listen
3. "Snow in Mexico" – Mark Gardener & Goldrush
4. "Men of Station" - 13 & God
5. "Orris Root Powder (Volume 0)" - MF Doom
Favorite CDs (no particular order)…
1. "Paradise"
– Paint It Black
2. "Night
Flares" - Greg MacPherson Band
3. "Nobody's
Darlings" – Lucero
4. "The Bomb"
– The Bomb
5. "A
Certain Trigger" – Maximo Park
6. "Bound
Away" – Last Train Home
7. "LP
III" - The Soviettes
8. "Burn
The Maps" – The Frames
9. "Okemah
And The Melody Of Riot" – Son Volt
10. "Terrorhawk"
- Bear vs. Shark
McG's Top 10 CDs of 2005
www.davemcgurgan.com
1. "Fisherman's Woman" – Emiliana Torrini
A whispered and serene offering from this Icelandic neo-folkie who excels in solid songwriting. The stellar guitar work on this album is genuinely worthy of comparisons to the work of Nick Drake while Torrini echoes Sandy Denny in spots, making this album a haunting and moving
experience.
2. "Years of Meteors" - Laura Veirs
This remarkably pleasant album is reminiscent of all the appealing qualities of artists such as Liz Phair, Aimee Mann and Suzanne Vega without any of their trite bullshit. Don't let the fact that the World Cafe has its head up Veirs' ass over this album keep you from enjoying this
gem.
3. "World's Apart" – And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead
Here's a complex cacophony of overdriven guitar rock intertwined with delicate string arrangements that should have been a huge hit with "the kids." Maybe it's because they're on Interscope or because the NME is no longer hyping the band, but Trail of Dead has delivered
a killer rock album – something few bands seem concerned with doing these days.
4. "Siberia"
– Echo and the Bunnymen
Ian Mccullough and Will Sergeant are the only remaining Bunnymen, but they have recruited a team of players that truly echoes the sublime and slippery style that made this band so wonderful the first go round. This is easily their best album in years and ranks right up their with
"Crocodiles" and "Ocean Rain."
5. "To
Walk a Middle Course" – Kylesa
Sometimes you just want to crank up some music reminds you of how unleashed and liberated hardcore and punk could sound. This quartet dumps plenty of time changes, thrash parts, male/female vocals and full-on intensely heavy rock moments into a unique hybrid of aggressive but palatable
punk/metal.
6. "Kings of Culo" - Swing Ding Amigos
This Tuscon, Arizona band kicks some major ass here with plenty of adrenaline-inducing punk rock and roll. It's fast, furious and unbridled, everything that rock music should be. At times they remind me of the Replacements during their most ferocious (i.e., the "Stink"
era.) Swing Ding Amigos prove that bands are still capable of creating their own home brew of wickedly clever punk rock that is anything but derivative.
7. "LPIII"
- The Soviettes
Not quite as good as their impeccable "LPII" from 2004, but still a solid effort. This 3-gal/1-guy quartet from Minneapolis does the punk-pop thing almost flawlessly. They've got an '80s influence (e.g., Blondie, The Go-Go's), but unlike other retro acts, the Soviettes'
songwriting is future-focused and produces terrifically catchy tunes that are worth seeking out.
8. "Take
it Back, Take it On, Take it Over" - 7 Seconds
This is the second "return-to-form" album for 7 Seconds (the first being 1999's "Good to Go.") Plenty of old-school thrashing and whoa-whoa's from Kevin Seconds and company. It's like 1984 all over again and as if hardcore never petered out.
9. "This Dimension" – Clorox Girls
The second album by this punk trio is full off top-notch punk blasts with an early '80s L.A. feel. While the influences might be old, the Clorox Girls' sound is very "now" and is worth seeking out.
10. "Let it Be" - Baseball Furies
Terrifically sludgy and raw rock and roll the way bands on Amrep and Touch & Go used to bring it back in the day. The band has been at it for over a decade and one of the dudes in the Tyrades, who released a killer self-titled album in 2003l.
Best Rockin' Instrumental Bands...
1. "What
We Must" - Jaga Jazzist
2. "NNO" - Nice New Outfit
3. "At
the Soundless Dawn" - Red Sparowes
Top 5 Songs About Ghosts of 2005
by Todd Marrone
1. "These Are The Ghosts" - Band of Bees
2. "Ghost Range (E-Pro) [Remix by Homelife]" - Beck
3. "Little Ghost" - The White Stripes
4. "I Think I'll Be a Good Ghost" - Say Hi to Your Mom
5. "Horny Ghost" - The Joggers
Besides UsedWigs Radio, Best PodCast for Finding New Music...
WHYME: Worst Music You’ve Ever Heard
Best Celebrity Music PodCast...
Axis of Justice Radio Network
Best Download…
"Sunday Bloody Sunday" - The Party Party remix
Where You Go to Discover Good Music…
1. www.scissorkick.com
2. www.insound.com/
3. www.buddyhead.com/mp3blog/
Best Record Labels
by Russ Starke
1. Six Shooter
2. Barsuk
3. Cantaloupe
4. Uniquity
5. True North
Best Reasons to Get XM Satellite Radio…
1. Howard's on Sirius
2. Lou Brutus on Fungus 53
3. Ron & Fez
The Only Reason to Keep Listening to Regular Radio…
Jon Solomon – WPRB
Best Videos…
1. "BYOB" – System of a Down
2. "Helicopter" – Bloc Party
3. "All I Know Is Tonight" - Jaga Jazzist
4. "Ride The Fence" - The Coup
5. "Entertain" – Sleater-Kinney
Saddest Video…
"Heartbreaking Music" - Lagwagon
Don't Believe the Indie Hype…
1. Antony & the Johnsons
2. Wolf Parade
3. Fiery Furnaces
4. M.I.A.
5. Animal Collective
4 Things You’ll Hear on the Bo Bice CD Worse Than Bo Bice…
1. That Douche from Nickelback
2. That Douche from Evanescence
2. Bon Jovi
3. Heather Locklear's husband
Thanks Bright Eyes, We Appreciate Your Folksy Protest Songs, But We’re Really, Really Angry and Need a More Appropriate Soundtrack…
1. "Potemkin City Limits" - Propagandhi
2. "Report Suspicious Activity" - Report Suspicious Activity
3. "War Profiteering Is Killing Us All" - The Suicide Machines
Did It Get Worse Than "My Humps"? Sadly, Yes...
1. "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Stefani
2. '"Don't Cha" - Pussycat Dolls
3. "Lean Back" - Terror Squad
The High Price of Watching Old People (average ticket price)…
1. Paul McCartney - $135.46
2. The Rolling Stones - $133.98
3. Eagles - $104.17
4. Elton John - $102.46
Best Movie…
"Mad
Hot Ballroom"
Worst Movie…
"Dukes of Hazzard"
Favorite Costars…
Male - Paul Rudd
Female - Jenna Fischer
Dangerously Close to Overexposure… But You're Forgiven...
Sarah Silverman
Spent the Year Waiting for More Roles Where She Can Look Like or Act Like a Guy…
Hilary Swank
Dumb Celebs Who Want Everyone to Know They Went to College by Making Spectacles of Themselves During Sporting Events…
Matthew McConaughey – Texas
Ashley Judd – Kentucky
My Favorite Site I Don't Want You to Know About...
www.worldwidewords.org
Pervasive Rumor I Hope to Be True...
Bush is drinking again... a lot
Baby Boomers in The News
by Lloyd Glicken
1. Carlos Santana – Wow! Can this guy really go to the well or what? Duets with Bo Bice and Michelle Branch…on the same CD even... ouch!
2. Deepak Chopra – Have you ever heard him speak? He's so delightfully creepy, like The Addams Family.
3. Annie Lennox – Timeless, I hope I never hear her speak; she can never live up to goddess in my earbuds.
4. Dennis Quaid – Super-Scientist-Ice-Age Dad and now Silly Steve Martin Wannabe. Time to change agents, Dennis.
5. John McEnroe – I dunno what it is about Mac, he had the lowest rated show in the history of Television (that’s not easy) but he’s still a stud.
6. Larry Csonka – The Zonk. They don’t make 'em like that anymore.
7. Alan Thicke – I have to hand it to him, once again he managed to stay out of the limelight all year long, thanks Alan. Until the next Seaver reunion.
So You Gotta Kiss Celebrity Ass Now For a Living, At Least You're Not Making That Atrocious Music Anymore...
That guy from Sugar Ray
The "That's Not a Real Stretch" Award Goes to...
Felicity Huffman the tranny
The "That's Quite a Big Stretch" Award Goes to...
Ice Cube the action star
Hazy Perception of 2005...
by Zank
1. Totino's Super Size Pizza Roll - And they all said a football sized pizza roll wouldn't work. My only qualm is the 4 hrs that it takes to cook.
2. "Full House The Movie" - It sure was great seeing the whole Tanner family back together again, and on the big screen no less. Stamos and Coulier were at the comedic peak.
3. The Pogues Reunion Tour - Who said Shane would be dead by now? Okay, everybody. Um, that one tooth of his is really starting to gross me out.
4. Texas Hold'em Scratchy Lottery Tickets - Now I can have all the excitement of Americas favorite Poker game, without the smell of that guy with the 26 gold chains, the tan-in-a-bottle and 30 weight hair gel.
5. "Lost" - Great show, but I just started watching it last week. Can someone tell me why they’re all on that island?
6. I-Tunes Nasal Spray - For just .99 cents you squirt it up your nose and instantly you’re hearing Aerosmith’s Dreamin’ in your head.
7. "Star Wars Revenge of the Sith" - Finally, all of my unanswered questions about the origin of Bail Organa are answered.
8. NyQuil Energy Drink - If the fine folks at Vicks can keep me up the same way they can knock me out, I’m all for it.
Vending Machine Items Consistently Ignored By the Guys in the Tech Department...
1. Granola Bar
2. Trail Mix
3. Breath Mints
If You Gotta Wear a Clever Tee, Make Your Own...
www.threadless.com
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Jeff is your new best friend. Like most best friends, he's not a good listener, but he will give you unsolicited advice and opinions freely and often. It's usually suspect and poorly presented, so proceed with caution. Unlike most best friends,
he will never IM you. He's not that bothersome.
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