Sedentary Teens Flock to Eating Clubs & Competitions

Due to student demand, Midvale High in Walling Township, NJ, and other schools across the nation have added Competitive Eating to their roster of school-sponsored clubs.

The goal of the new and extremely popular intramural “sport” is simple. The participant (eater) attempts to ingest as much food as possible within a certain time period without throwing up or choking. The participant who eats the most wins.

The clubs are based on the Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest held on Coney Island every year, where contestants try to eat as many hot dogs (buns plus meat) as they can in a 12-minute judged competition. This event and others like it have gained popularity as the menus have expanded from hot dogs to chicken wings, ribs, matzo balls, steaks, Asian noodles, pizza, brisket, Klondike bars, tripe, haggis, bull testicles, sheep anuses, and Pez.

The clubs have attracted a wide range of the student population, from youths who normally eschew group athletics in favor of more individual pursuits, to kids who are just plain hungry because of funding cutbacks by the Bush administration.

The afters chool events are sponsored by local and national businesses, which provide the mass quantities of eatables in exchange for marketing rights in the schools. For instance, at Midvale, the gymnasium now bears a sign that reads “Hoagie Shack Presents Hoagieland Hall.”

“I was never a fan of team sports, or activities that required you to actually get up from your seat,” said Anthony De Carmellio, a well-fed sophomore at Midvale. “I like sports where you don’t have to move a lot, like the luge or NASCAR. I tried golf last year because it seemed easy, but they wanted me to get out of the cart before I swung the club. I wasn’t into that. So when I heard about this eating club in my school, I jumped right into it. Well not actually jumped, but I eventually got around to signing up a few days later.”

“It’s really hard work but when you put your mind and mouth to it, anything is possible,” commented Adam Fleisher, a bookish junior who definitely knows his way around a fat Italian sausage. “We’ve got a great squad of seriously motivated eaters, and our coach, Mr. Whitaker the gym teacher, is a really good hands-on instructor and a really good cook,” Fleisher continued, after popping a few cool-down frosted donut holes in his mouth and wiping his face with the bottom of his tank top. “I’m a perfectionist, so I am always practicing and upping my intake. To be a top-level athlete, you gotta set goals.”

Fleisher’s practice session usually includes a heaping platter of boiled frankfurters, a 16-inch meat-lover’s pizza, four packs of Ding Dongs and a carton of chocolate milk. He tries to get in a least four practice eating sessions a day, five days a week. On the weekends, he just eats whatever he wants. “I try to set an example for my teammates, so I am usually the first one in and the last one to leave. the cafeteria, that is.”

Midvale school psychologist Betty Ann Davenport believes competitive eating is a positive activity because the team spirit helps with the socialization process: “The majority of cardio-averse teenagers usually spend their free time playing video games, watching TV and eating fast food alone. Outdoor activities requiring physical movement, increased heart rate, perspiring and possible physical harm are not attractive to this sedentary group. But for some of these teens, boredom and monotony set in and they eventually crave new avenues of entertainment and camaraderie, like the competitive eating clubs. For others, it’s an extracurricular activity that looks good on their college transcripts!”

“It’s exciting. Everyone is really into it and goes crazy when we win an event,” Fleisher enthused as he prepared for practice by downing a warm-up package of bonbons. “It’s like when you get to the 97th level of Dungeon Claw III and finally slay Bytor the Morlock with the enchanted broadsword; it’s that cool!”

At a recent competition which pitted the Midvale Munchers against their rivals, the Toms River Gorgers, 430-pound Midvale team captain Orandice Jackson walked away with the bean-burrito-eating crown after consuming 30 burritos (each weighing 1 lb.) in 15 minutes and then treating the crowd to some celebratory dancing (and triumphant gas explosions).

Jackson grabbed his trophy and told a reporter for the school newspaper, “First and foremost, I’d just like to thank my savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, for giving me the ability and talent to perform today. And I’d also like to thanks my parents, who taught me to be all I can be and to always finish all my food.”

Jeff Lyons
Education Reporter

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